Tips on saying no
Tell me if this sounds familiar
- Someone asks you to do something that you really don’t want to do or you honestly don’t have time for. It might be a showing a visitor around, a school fundraiser, attending a meeting on behalf of a colleague, or even just working late.
- But if you actually said “No!” you feel like you were letting the other person down. You already feel guilty for thinking about saying no and you haven’t even responded yet!
- So you say, “Sure,” even though doing this additional task is going to put you cause you stress and time pressure.
- You know that you will probably end up resenting saying yes, and maybe you won’t fulfill all of the responsibilities because your heart is just not in it, but you go ahead and agree anyway…
Why are many of us so afraid to say "no” to people?
1. Most of us have been taught that "no" is disrespectful and even insulting.
2. We tend to value other people's time more highly than our own.
3. We have a need to co-operate and a desired to be liked
4. There are often non-conscious concerns of being thought of as lazy or selfish.
"No" is actually one of the healthiest words that can come out of your mouth. When you tell someone "no," you are really saying that you understand and accept your own limits, and don't want to do a poor quality job by overwhelming yourself. Saying “no” also demonstrates that you value your own time and have thought your priorities through and aren't willing to sacrifice the truly important things in your life.
So how do you say "no" without insulting the other person, feeling consumed with guilt, or hurting your own credibility? Once you've accepted that you do have the right and occasionally the responsibility to turn someone down, the next job is to find a way that won’t seem like you are rejecting the other person or their objective.
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